So a whole fortnight with no blogging - a sign of no Thing news/Thing events of interest; the next cycle comes and goes much like the others.......
During my good week, I decide to check up on some of the drugs I have been given (what DID people do before the internet?). Most seem fine - but the sleeping pills raise a whole load of alarms ("Lorazepam ruined my life", "Advil addiction led directly to heroin overdose", "Sleeping pills to blame for mass murder", "Aliens abducted me to get my Advil" etc) so I investigate further - its always so important to believe everything you read....
Reading through the drug information, I immediately I know I have every side effect available (hypochondriac, me?) and I also develop a very real concern that a) they are clearly addictive narcotics and b) I am experiencing some withdrawal effects each day (nausea, headaches) that I had put down to lingering chemo effects.
So I decide to go cold turkey and stop taking them. Three days of genuine withdrawal later (headaches, nightmares, dizziness, nausea) the side effects go away and I throw the rest of the pills down the sink.
This dramatic gesture means I don't have them available during the chemo week - although Papa Smurf says I can use Nytol instead if I like, so I do, and it works fine. What is amazing and brilliant is that I stop feeling sick and headachy a whole 2 days earlier than in the last 3 cycles. Which means I don't have to take the chemo anti-vom pills that make me go to sleep for the whole day.
This means I have the whole weekend as a nearly normal person - 2 days clawed back from The Thing - hurrah! Who knows if this is to do with my body adjusting, or no narcotics - but I know what I think.........
The whole snowballing drug thing is scary, and I feel as though I have learned a good lesson about the whole Singaporean "over-prescribe"/"feel no pain"/"take a pill" culture.
Monday 13th
The last AC (aka The Red Devil) nasty chemo cycle is done and dusted - I am back to normal and it feels great to look back at another stage of all this which is now OVER. It does feel as though we are moving through the treatment now and that hopefully the worst really is behind us.
Whilst not anyones idea of a good time, the reality of this stage of chemo has, for me, been much less grim than the idea of it. I was expecting Mr Creosote "only wafer thin" style vomiting, days of looking wan in bed, and probably an oxygen canister involvement at some stage. Looking back at Dr Crippen's list of probable side effects, I know I have got away very lightly with 3-5 grotty days each cycle.
The fact I'm so well must be largely due to the fact that I don't have to raise a finger when I am feeling lousy (lovely lovely Edar) - and frankly, not often when I am feeling well - meaning I can lie around and recover for as long as I want to each time. I read stories of people with tiny children, living on their own and I simply can't imagine how grim that would be. And apart from J who is a continuous, amazing source of strength, the other large factor is the constant stream of cheerfulness and drivel that comes from both the UK and Singapore - it makes a huge difference to feel and be normal whenever possible.
We've now got a full two weeks before I have to venture back to the land of the blue people - two whole weeks of normal - hurrah! The kids are about to break up and we can spend time enjoying being here........
The Next Stage
The next stage will be 12 weekly doses of a much less toxic drug.
Of course, nothing is simple, and there are still unknowns - Papa Smurf wants to give me a mixture of drugs - the "normal" drug given at this point, PLUS an additional one which is normally for people with stages 3 and 4 of The Thing. I am only stage 1-2 borderline, but because it is an aggressive version, she doesn't want to take any chances, and she also believes that in a few years time, this will be the gold standard of care for people like me, and doesn't want me to miss out. However, opinion is divided, with some people thinking it is an unnecessary treatment, overkill and ultimately an unhelpful additional stress on the body at a time when it doesn't need that.....
I am also skeptical that it may be Singaporean over treatment - we have gone a long way further already, I suspect, than they would have done in the UK...... Are we using a hammer to crack a nut..... But then will I regret not going with it if The Thing comes back........ As always - just loving the uncertainty.
So another meeting planned in the Den to discuss it all - side effects, percentages (we love those, remember), etc etc
One day at a time.
As zen-like and serene as ever, J xx
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