So now we all know that your hair doesn't magically explode during the first session of chemo, how does it happen?
Well, I find out pretty fast, faster than I was hoping to.
I wash my hair on Sunday and notice that there is rather more clogging up the shower than normal. Nothing really unusual in that - J can never believe the amount of hair I can manage to lose during a normal hair wash - but somehow I know this isn't right. So I carry on combing with my fingers, and more and more comes out. Oh God - this is it. I am not one of the 1%. My inner self was right all along.
I decide to stop pulling it out and go for a blow dry instead. I realize this seems counter-intuitive - I mean do I want it to stay in or not - but I would rather be bald than Michael Keaton, which is what happens without the help of a hair dryer. Blow drying does make things look normal - and actually not too much comes out, so I relax a little.
My pubes start coming out too. Not entirely unwelcome. But a little odd. Eyebrows and eyelashes hanging in there - please please may they stay......
Later that evening I pull out an entire curl from the back of my head. It's quite a trick so I do it again to show J. He looks appalled and I decide not to repeat in front of the children.
Curiously I am not particularly unhappy - more resigned than upset.
The next day, I start to moult like an old Labrador. You just have to touch my head and it goes up in a puff of hair. Everywhere I go, I leave a little trail of hair - it's gross and it's starting to freak me out. Then I look in a mirror and Bill Bailey looks out at me - I have developed the widest parting ever aaaaarrrrrghhh. I panic and scrape what's left into a ponytail (mistake, as a whole load more falls out) but the parting is covered and I rush off to the shops for emergency wide headband buying.
The wide headband seems to do the trick - hopefully this look will last a few more days as it makes it clear I do still have some hair. Then we will have to move onto Anthea and my other new purchase - ponytail hat. Ponytail hat is a baseball hat with a ponytail and "bangs" which I have ordered. I think it may be answer for casual wear - but I have become a wig junkie - S-I-L (US) has put me in touch with an amazing looking wig shop which has wigs you can put under scarves, hats etc. Watch this space but no pics.....yet
Then today, things take a turn for the worse. J gives me my shot to boost white blood cells (he WAS watching Triangle Nurse last time, thankfully) and I see myself in the mirror, finally looking like someone with The Thing, and the tears come.
I have tried so hard to let it all flow over me, and prepare mentally - but suddenly seeing myself was a shock - I think everything else we have been through has been so quick and relatively easy (I healed so well from both ops, nothing has been visible to the outside world, life continues as normal) that suddenly seeing a baldie looking out at me - albeit with enough for a teeny ponytail and a wide hairband, hit me hard.
I am not going to be pretty for the next 6 months at least. A toughie to get your head round.
J of course is totally wonderful and says I'll be beautiful to him - and also makes me promise not to hide my baldness from him (yes, I had been considering trying). That makes me cry more. Dammit I hate this.
Then we get up and go our separate ways - me to my dog walk and J to work. A quick text later HE IS OK BEFORE I START THIS to let me know he has come off his bike (pedal, not motor) and is being checked out at A&E. He is fine - a few nasty scrapes and a bent bike - but please, enough now OK?
Apart from all that - chemo 2 has so far been kinder than chemo 1 - not even car sickness yet. I have taken more drugs, more religiously (even the just in case ones) and plan to carry on.
Marginally less zen-like and serene today, J xx
Now, I know what you're thinking...... "Hasn't that poor woman got enough on her plate without her Muppet of a husband falling off his bike? Cant he just go down to the Singapore branch of Halfords and get himself some stabilisers?"
ReplyDeleteSo, just to set the record straight, I didn’t just fall off, I was knocked off by a Singaporean in a brand new Jag who didn’t feel it was necessary either to indicate or to even to look before he turned sharp left across my path. This is typical of Singaporeans who have the spatial awareness of two year-olds; this applies in any situation, whether they are walking along the street, getting into a lift, or more importantly when driving a car. As someone here said, "I think I have special powers; I see things that other people don’t see. When I drive, I see lanes........"
You'll be glad to know that I went down shouting and I am in contact with the Guinness book of records to see if my stream of expletives delivered at the driver while flying through the air without the aid of a jet pack, is a world beater. I don’t think he understood them all, but he certainly picked up the flavour of my mood.
Aside from some gently weeping grazes and some cracking bruises, I'm fine. Unfortunately the dressings given to me by the hospital aren’t keeping the gunk from seeping out all over my shirt sleeve and it forms a sort of biological ink blot test favoured by psychologists in the 60's. "What does this pattern remind you of?". "It reminds me of a load of manky discharge on a shirt, now that you ask."
So, the bike is in the shop getting repaired and I've bought a new helmet (top of the range as Jag Man is paying), as the old one cracked on impact. To be honest, I've only ever worn a helmet to set a good example to the children as I have not really seen the point of them, but I'm very glad I did. I would be in all sorts of trouble now if I hadn’t been wearing one.
So today's lessons are: Always wear a helmet and if you're going to swear at a foreigner, really be creative, they may not understand it, but they appreciate your extra effort.
Comme Toujours
Justin
Well hello Hospital Corner! As you have all now had a taste of Singapore's finest medical treatment I think it's time to stop...I love an exciting read, pacy, dramatic, written from the heart, makes you laugh, makes you cry. But please, no more accidents!
ReplyDeleteGlad the bio-oil is a hit - I recommend this to everyone, it's magic for all those increasingly less magic signs of ageing, scarring, and is generally a fab/economical all over body-oil. Get massaging!
Hatt