Cue sunshine, humidity, tennis lessons, rugby practice - a regular weekend in Singapore. Except for The Thing who keeps just butting into my mind however much I try to keep it out.
Then Prof T's Efficient Nurse calls and says he'd like to see me on Monday. I immediately decide they've got the results and that they are bad. I also immediately pretend not to come to that conclusion, and say bravely that of course they won't have the results yet - they need to see me either way and she's sensibly making an appointment. J does the same.
7th March 2011 - we both go and see Prof T and he opens with a kind smile and "I'm so glad J came with you today......". Drum roll.........The Thing has entered the building...... It is (he hopes) probably unaggressive - something to do with the way it floats in the jar - details are VERY fuzzy at this stage - but definately malignant. He draws a picture of a boob and draws some lumps on it. Then he talks through mastectomy vs lumpectomy - one of which has to happen in the next few weeks. What? My boobs? The only bit of my body I actually like? Then he says there will need to be chemotherapy but we will probably avoid radio if we go for the full mastectomy. And now we should go away and think about how much of my lovely left boob we want to cut off.....
Ooh but before that, we need to go and see Dr Crippen on the 12th floor and he will see me back the following day for a PET scan to check it hasn't spread to my bones, liver, ovaries etc. Christ, I didn't even know that was a possibility........
Time for a serious headspin. Think Reese Witherspoon in Poltergeist. With less vomiting. From what I remember, we were both too shocked at this point for tears. Oh no, I remember now, sitting in the waiting room, holding hands, with tears running down my face, thinking that everyone will know we've just had bad news.......and trying to hold it in. OK so I'm still very British, alright? And I still can't master that Demi Moore "wet face" look.
So straight up to Dr Crippens office where he immediately goes through, in the nth level of detail, every side effect and possible outcome of chemo and hormone treatment - including but not limited to death, hysterectomy, more tumours, disfigurement, bloating and more types of death. Oh and hair loss, with new hair coming back thicker, curlier and blacker - so more like pubes than ever. Great.
We really loved that meeting and I definitely cried a lot during it.
Then home, blessed home.
Has it really only been 10 days?
As zen-like and serene as ever, J xx
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