Don't get too comfortable.

This morning we get an email from CC. She has been consulting her colleagues in Australia, UK and NY about my case (did I mention I am weird for some reason? No-one knows what to do with me...) and she thinks we should talk before starting chemo.

J and I discuss what we think this means, and decide that she is probably going to suggest changing to the other chemo regime. We are ok with this, so go along to see her in a cheerful frame of mind. Foolish foolish people.

So, we arrive and have a chat about the weather (the weather? It's always the same in Singapore, but still it's something to chat about..... "It's a hot one today, la"). J is almost late as always, but just makes it in time.

CC then shows us two emails from Important People, both of which say that I should have had my axilla (armpit) nodes taken out and tested during the surgery - this is why no-one knows what to do with me.

The reason they didn't take out my nodes during the surgery is that there is a 10% chance of lymphodema after surgery (over time) ie a fat, swollen, not moving much, arm. Dr Crippen felt that radio was a better option (and to give him his due, recent studies agree with him - but those studies were all for people who had to have radio ANYWAY, not me).

So now we have to decide whether I am going back for more surgery, or whether we stick with plan A. Back to the blindfold forgery detection. We have a hugely non-conclusive 2 hour discussion with CC (predictably, I cry - but largely through frustration this time) where we can't quite get to the bottom of why these experts are suggesting this path. At the 11th hour, J asks the breakthrough question, and we finally understand that if the nodes are positive, taking them out is a way more effective path than zapping them.

We then fix appointments with Lovely Prof T and a radio oncologist to try and make sure this is the right conclusion.

Prof T is not quite as Lovely today - I suspect because I have gone from Brave Smiley Patient to Weird Ranting Person. I am angry - because I've got to go through more surgery - because no-one mentioned this might happen - because, Christ, how are we going to explain this to the children - because it's not bloody fair that The Thing has picked US in its lottery - just because.

So I vent, and he listens, and he agrees and he understands. Then J gently stops me and we go home.

Final appointment with Smiley Radiographer. She is dear, and says there is no question about it, we should go for the surgery. So we book it for the next day. This is Singapore... no queues, no disorder.....

Off we go again. Oh, and CC does want to change the chemo regime - it is now going to be 4x fortnightly sessions of AC, followed by 12x weekly sessions of Taxol plus Carboplatin. She wants to throw everything at it, and we agree - but as I have such delicate ladylike veins, 12 weekly infusions will be a nightmare, so we decide to get a port put into my arm at the same time as the rest of the surgery.

As zen-like and serene as ever, J xx